We've all been there. We've all been in that one toxic relationship that we just couldn't seem to get out of. For whatever reason, we stayed. And it wasn't until looking back that we realized just how toxic it really was. If only we could have seen it then. If only we could have told ourselves what we know now.
Well, that's what this blog is for. This is for all of you who are currently in a toxic relationship. This is for all of you who are looking back and wishing you had known what you know now. This is for all of you who need to hear some tough love.
So, here it is. The things I wish I could have told myself when I was in that toxic relationship.
When I look back on my past relationship, there are so many things I wish I could have told myself. I was in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship for far too long. And, even though I eventually got out, there were a lot of things that I wish I could have changed about the situation.
If you're in a toxic relationship, here are some things I wish I would have told myself:
You're not responsible for their happiness.
You can't control another person's happiness. And, even if you could, it's not your responsibility. Toxic people will often try to control you and make you responsible for their happiness. But, that's not your job. You can't make someone else happy. And, even if you could, it's not worth your own mental and emotional health.
They will never change.
Toxic people will never change. They might say they will, but they never will. If you're hoping that they'll change, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. The best thing you can do is to get out of the relationship. For example if you are dating a busy man you can’t change them you can’t tell them to work less.
You're not crazy.
One of the most common tactics of an emotionally abusive person is gaslighting. They'll try to make you think you're crazy, or that you're overreacting. But, you're not. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is.
You deserve better.
You deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship. You don't deserve to be treated badly. No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship. If you're in one, it's time to get out.
You're not alone.
If you're feeling alone in your relationship, it's probably because you are. Toxic people will often isolate you from your friends and family. They don't want you to have anyone else in your life. But, you're not alone. There are people who care about you and want to help.
You can't fix them.
Toxic people often seem broken. They might have a lot of baggage, or they might be going through a tough time. And, you might think you can fix them. But, you can't. Only they can decide to change. And, even then, it's not guaranteed.
You can't save them.
Toxic people often seem like they need saving. They might be in a bad place, or they might be making bad choices. And, you might think you can save them. But, you can't. Only they can save themselves.
You deserve to be happy.
You deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve to be happy. If you're not, it's time to get out of that toxic relationship.
It's not your fault.
I wish I could have told myself that it wasn't my fault when I was in my last toxic relationship. I was constantly being blamed for everything that went wrong, even though it wasn't always my fault. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells, never knowing what would set my partner off. I was always trying to please them, even though it was never enough.
It's not your fault that your partner is abusive. You didn't deserve the treatment you received. No one deserves to be treated that way.
I wish I could have told myself that I didn't deserve the abuse I was receiving. I felt like I must have done something to deserve it, since my partner always told me it was my fault. But it wasn't my fault. No one deserves to be treated that way, no matter what.
You can't change your partner.
I wish I could have told myself that I couldn't change my partner. I was always trying to change them, to make them into the person I wanted them to be. But it was never going to work. I was just setting myself up for disappointment.
Your partner is responsible for their own behavior. You can't fix them or change them. All you can do is focus on taking care of yourself.
I wish I could have told myself to focus on taking care of myself. I was so focused on my partner and trying to please them, that I neglected my own needs. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically. I wasn't taking care of myself the way I should have been.
It's okay to put yourself first.
I wish I could have told myself that it was okay to put myself first. I felt guilty all the time for taking care of myself, because it felt like I was being selfish. But I wasn't being selfish. I needed to take care of myself in order to be able to take care of my partner.
Putting yourself first doesn't make you a bad person. It's actually the opposite. When you take care of yourself, you're in a better position to take care of others.
I wish I could have told myself that I deserved to be happy. I was so focused on my partner's happiness, that I forgot about my own. I was sacrificing my own happiness for theirs, and it wasn't worth it.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship. Don't settle for anything less.
The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. There are so many people who have been in your exact situation. And, even though it may not seem like it at the moment, you will get through this. Things will get better.
So, stay strong. Hang in there. And, most importantly, believe in yourself. You deserve so much better than what you are currently getting.
